Schedule

I just can’t help myself and am starting to get excited about my favourite time of year: Christmas! Okay, correction.. I am bursting with excitement. I am secretly worse than any stereotype Christmas mum. And for that reason I figured why not start busting out the Christmas cape.

Starting this week with some Christmas clothing cheek. And to keep warm till stuffing your face time, a pie because nothing says being okay with it getting colder than popping a home-baked pie out of the oven while hints of cinnamon wafting around the house. 

Also up this week is part two of my hall update, because after hopscotching it I feel my age and need to take a load off. And a groovy, Jedi mind trick product that would look super cool in my home.

Have a great week!

Sight

Live, learn, grow is my motto. It always has been. But I had some other motto's I held on to dearly as well, namely don't forget, don't forgive, use it instead. Fuel for change and growth, to be better than the hurt. I still believe in using energy, no matter the source, for better. But I see in the details, something else. Not only the actions and the intentions but also the reasons count. How deep does the well go?

I used to say 'it's OK, you don't have to say sorry as long as you do better next time' and 'you don't have to understand me, just let me be my worth'. These sentences will never slip forth from my lips again nor longer live in my soul. How can you do better if you do not acknowledge the reason for doing so? It will not last past the first hurdle. Leaving someone in their worth is not possible without understanding it, is it? You can't treasure and protect without appreciation. But you can forgive and forget, which to me means forwards.

To be clear, I have not found nirvana. I can swear right up there with the best of them, have bouts of road rage and nearr-parlyzing panic attacks. Why then? Because I need to. It's not about the other person. It's about you, your person. Someone I barely knew was so undecidedly cruel to me recently. I'm talking mean-spirited and person crushing spite. Apparently and sadly in life this happens.The difference is me. While I can't wipe the slate clean (memory like an elephant) and I can't say that for a good, maybe even long, moment I wasn't livid, I can still choose how I respond (after the red leaves my eyes and my tongue returns to cheek). Even apologise for my part..though that was mostly wasting time, my time. Like I said, haven't reached nirvana yet. 

But the poignant reminder, the one that matters, was when my precious little girl broke now in the ugly cry for the most trivial of reprimands (no, you can't smack you backpack repeatedly on the ground because you cant take all your brothers raisins without asking), a small injustice done to her at bath time by the 'feisty one' known as said little brother or a heartbreak when her bestie wanted to have a playdate with another friend. I used to sigh deeply inwardly for the drama of these events because I didn't understand nor really try. I understand now that these are not little things to her, but moments of extreme importance. Things that break her little heart and it is my job is to protect and if need be heal her little heart. So I drop the bags, the keys, the laundry and get down on my knees to hold her little sobbing body and say I'm sorry. The lesson behind the reprimand can wait, as well as the load of laundry. If I can teach her only a handful of lessons, let it be compassion and love. These are my lessons:

20.000 Leagues People make mistakes, hurt you, maybe even disregard you. You do to, but don't let them think for a second, not even have a tiny little seed of doubt that they are loved. Say it, show it, live it. If you do it right, chances are they will give it back. The hug I got from my little girl is priceless.

Show & tell The time you take is often an investment with longterm and immediate returns. I love planning and making surprises for my kids, for anyone who has a spot. But I love the littlest things just as much and more often than not so do they. I know a smile and a giggle waits for me if I read 'Kikker en Eend' for what feels like the billionth time with voices and tickle fingers. Or the smiles that awaits when we make the cupcakes with pirate decorations. Small things, that cost me next to nothing in money, are the ones that go in the vault.

Present! This one I have always had but called it 'quality time'. Being here is not the same as being here. Spend the time intentionally. Those minutes reading with my son and those talking with my daughter are purely theirs, not even shared with the other. When we eat, the TV goes off as does the phone. I also try and drop the baggage in my mind at the door. We are together. Being together means being present and available.

Skindeep The key is not to look but to see. I remember so clearly my pleas to be seen. I remember clearly the moment I saw feelings again. You can look and not see. See straight through someone or even only see what you project. Look for the person. The character, the heart, the soul. Respond to that as much if not more than the shell. Trust me, I know that's hard when the shell is one tough nut to crack or one 'only a mother could love' but do it anyway, most (not all) turn out not to be bad nuts. They say the things that are most beautiful or the ones most deeply hidden. Find it, bring it to the light. Eyes wide open.

As the world turns.. I used to say this sarcastically when someone was being self-involved. The world doesn't revolve around any single individual, though it is so easy and nice when it does. I deeply want to be understood and valued but in it's own way that is as deeply selfish as other forms. I can push my right right up someones nose but for who am I doing it, who benefits? Take a moment to see, understand and respond to someone else. Their needs, the place they're at, their value. This is a hard one, granite tough for me because I always felt I was still waiting for my turn. But maybe, I need to keep giving, whether or not I get some back or not. More often than not you do..you maybe just have to look a little closer to see it.

Two words I'm sorry and forgive me. Back where we started with this one. Most people are trying their damnedest and life can be demanding. Everyone, me included, seems to spend an awful lot of time on social media showing how wonderful it all is. It is, but for every baby smile there is a good chance of spit-up and diaper explosions and no matter how much you love that sucker you don't the throw up (in your mouth after being thrown lovingly into the air). So cut them and yourself some slack. When I'm curt with the kids because I'm tired, upset or hurting, I apologise and I mean it. Mean it because saying it through gritted teeth is not enough, not by a longshot. Show it with an intensity and force that can not be mistaken. There are no buts in sorry. Chances are they will forgive you...but you still have to try harder the next time. The next time starts that moment.

Cool kids

I love shopping for my kids as least as much as for myself. I not so secretly look forward to the yearly H&M All for Children collection.We loved the adorable play tent from a  previous collection. And the dress up clothes from last year are still being worn but yet remain in pristine condition. I love the fun of the collections, the quality of the pieces and not forgetting the idea behind it to help kids whose worries go far beyond what to wear.

That being said I sighed, again not so secretly, when I saw this year’s collection had an obvious bug theme. I hate bugs and live in dread of the day my son comes homes with some creepy crawler in his palms. Bugs, blech. I shiver in fear and steel myself for the day. Luckily today is not that day. 

And yes there were a few pieces that did the old pony trick of kiddie fun and mom-approvedness. While I love leggings and skinny jeans showcasing the skinny twigs my son calls legs, I love these cargo pants for bringing out a bit of adventure readiness. And knowing my love of superheroes, there was no way I was passing up this sweater dress with built in mesh wings. Pictured with pirates hat from the previous year's collection and and a pair of studded Allstars that are a miniature version of mine!

And for the girls? How could I not get the pink sweater dress that reminds me of a crossing between Lambie (yep I watch kids cartoons now) and a pink stuffed crocodile. A rose gold zip adds a touch of girl-approved hipness and the hoodie just plain young fun. 

Croco cool

Hate to break a promise but in my defence I didn’t realise I had till I started on this (postponed several times) post, so smitten am I. What am I going on about? A bag of course. I said no more bags and yet here is another bag. Seriously this addiction is starting to get as bad as shoes. Pushing guilt out of the picture is something I’m used to with a longtime shoe-addiction. Guilt gone, check. Now to present you my first bag purchase from H&M, besides the gymbag. 

I never considered them for bags because I like quality bags with staying power. This bag is all leather, black and basically simple so not worried about it not lasting longer than a single season or being outdated in the blink of an eye. But look closer and you notice the bottom half is crocodile, there is gorgeous black stitching on the strap, the hardware is matte black and the inner bag is actually two zipped pouches. And one even detaches so you can take it out and use it as say a make-up pouch. Detach the strap as well to use as a clutch as it fits perfectly in the hand while still having enough space to hold all the necessities. I'm quite impressed with the H&M premium collection, especially this bag. Needless to say but this bag is one cool crocodile.

Cool cups

I showed you the first half of my Dutch Design Week purchase here. But to be honest, the bag is still hanging next to the wardrobe waiting for free storage space. Yep, still procrastinating about that wardrobe cleaning. One day soon she said half-heartedly. 

But in the meantime I can unpack the other half of my purchase at studioRUIG. Stuck on repeat…I have a thing.. for cool coffee cups. I love my taped cups, my snout cups and my wash me cups. To these I add the most minimal and beautiful of the lot; porcelain espresso cups from De Intuitie Fabriek. These cups are divine, with the powdery texture, smoothest surface and slight graduation in colour. Crafted to perfection, they fit snugly in the palm of your hand and look gorgeous on any tabletop. What more can you ask for? Beautiful to hold and behold. I even found a good instant coffee pad with notes of vanilla and crème de liquor to make my cup of joe an experience worth savouring in these beauties. That and one of my favourites cookies at dusk..a perfect simple joy.

Schedule

Keeping it short but hopefully still sweet..with an edge;

• Goldilocks perfection in cup form, my forgotten other DDW score.
• I like fashion, I like bags, I like texture and edge.. especially if you have to look closer first.
• My top picks from the H&M All for Children 2014 collection for the coolest kids on the playground.
• And to stay a cool, super amazing but oh so well-balanced (super)woman a diary entry.

Have a cool one!

Garden works

One of my neighbours recently had her garden done. Two weeks, one vacation later and there is shiny, new, professional piece of garden perfection with hammock and hot tub waiting. Needless to say, I’m pea green with envy. My garden is no way near complete and definitely will not have the new penny perfection of a professional job as everything except the patio is done my own hands. A triumph in itself to get halfway there as the sight of a earthworm or slug makes me faint and queasy. But the upside up having so much ahem inspiration in your eyes, is having more zest to get it done, fall or not. And while I might not be able to get it all done exactly like the vision, though I sure as heck will try, a girl can dream..

A combination of chairs and concrete stools or maybe a long concrete bench and softened and warmed by a smattering of sheepskins. A BBQ but for now a minimalist fire pit for chilly evenings and the coolest Russian nesting dolls hurricane lamps to light those evenings. I promised the kids a swing and I have loved the Leaf swing for so long but the hanging Nautica seat has me in doubt. Last and totally not suited for autumn as I don't have a sauna and don't need the cold..chill down, I still want but for next spring an outdoor shower, black as the night and more minimal than a straight line!

And this is a pic of my latest push with slate pebbles, a mix of autumnal coloured grasses and flowering trees. Hopefully a blossom blush at springtime but for now the sound of the grasses is so soothing and oak bark smells lovely after the rain!

Thaw & hibernate

Thaw and hibernate, typically seasons apart and never the two shall meet. But if you didn't know it, I'll let you in.. I rarely do anything the typical way. It's not a decision, it's just the way I roll. My driving instructor's words 'I've never had a student quite like you'. That makes me laugh still but also smile because he took the time to find a way to teach me so that I could learn and I'm thankful because after dancing, driving is the way I groove. Seriously people turn around in their car to look in utter bewilderment. Why, I'll leave to your imagination.

But back to spring and winter. My adult life has been easy enough with very little setbacks or bad times, actually railroading ahead, but it changed so drastically this past year that I went into survival and renewal mode. To get up, keep going and build new/reinforced foundations requires strength and a lot of it. Strength I've had to utilise before, strength I didn't know if I could find for another round. I mean even sports often only have two rounds, for as much as I know about that subject. To do that though, I used everything I had. And that brought me good things; more confidence, less self-doubt, physical and mental strength and pride in the tiniest of accomplishments. 

But to build one, something else has to give. I pumped everything into doing things, learning things, being better and stronger, finding my own, that there was nothing else. All that go, meant no stopping to see and none to feel. I ran to get somewhere, anywhere as long as it was farther. I made big meals and bake loads to be busy cooking, not to show my love and affection. I ate to not fall over. I did projects for doing projects. Everyday a long list of things to get checked off. It was all about checking them off for checking them off. Odd, because as rational as I am in my work, need to be as mom and is required as an adult, I am all about feeling & intuition. I feel everything, I absorb it, often don't show it or know what to do with it but I sure do feel it. I'm basically a breathing emoticon that only the smallest handful of people would even know.

It's only the last few weeks that doing start giving way to feeling again. Th feeling behind the doing. After I did my longest run, I was so anxious and I couldn't place it. Eating was so joyless, where meals were my joy as a feeder, that I couldn't chew the smallest of bites. But I started to think because of the confusion and to feel little twinges. The little joys throughout the day that my kids used to bring me instead of just trying to make the best and make it through the day to get to the next. I felt it so suddenly as I sat going through their drawings for the gallery wall. I looked at most of them before but I did not see them. Didn't see the colour, the progress of colouring in the lines and going from squiggles to perfect hearts. When I saw that something cracked and fell away.

That curtain around the me that you don't see fell and I missed them so much because they make me smile, laugh, cry, scream (hey kids come with mess and frustrations) and most of all just feel. I realised I missed feeling, knowing that means feeling the not so good as well. I slowed down just a bit, enough to feel what I'm doing. Trust me, not all good, not by a long shot. That standard question and answer 'Alles goed', 'ja, prima' does not apply. Few ask it, even less want a real answer, almost none reach out a hand and the ones that do..well those are the ones you least expect and are all the more valuable for it. To that though I can truly answer 'prima'. Why? Because I feel. 

The last thing I do with my daughter before she drifts off to sleep, is climb in with her, talk about the day, cuddle and be 'samen meisjes'. Just a few minutes but some of the best of the day. I tell my son each time I tuck him in, 'I love you' and the other day he suddenly stopped wiggling and saying 'neeeeh mama' like and embarrassed teenager being smothered in public by his mom and sighed so contently and softly 'I love you mama' before he turned to his side and went to sleep. Nothing else compared that day and few things at night since. I  look out my kitchen window at the garden I'm making, the movement of the wind in the grasses and the still beauty of the slate pebbles makes me breathe. I ran early Sunday morning with my headset but not for the music but for the quiet of my mind. I didn't complete the planned 80 minutes, not because I couldn't physically or mentally do it but because I wanted to walk a bit, look at the quiet of the grey mist over the fields, the rabbits in the woods, feel the rain on my face and the tears on my cheeks. Above all the life beating and bursting in my chest.

All the joys, pains, struggles, triumphs, small or large mean I live. To live is to do and to feel. I strive for them both now equally. Feeling came, heart thawed. Limbs slowed, peace appreciated, survival mode slowly hibernates. I didn't cook a big, new or fun dinner for the kids this week.We ate sandwiches and ordered pizza, but we had dinosaur roar matches again and a robot dancing contest at the table to the sounds of 'mama, je bent zo mal'. We didn't bake but shared a store-bought chocolate muffin between three. I felt hunger, ate a breakfast, lunch and dinner and savoured each bite slowly but truly. I made less blog posts, did even less around the house, skipped a workout for a nap, but felt like I achieved more. It is not a race or a giant checklist, life. And saying that doesn't mean I will slow down completely or wear my heart on my sleeve. I mean I caught up that training a day later and I have plenty on my living bucket list. My (perfectly toned) buttocks are still going for two hours running this block. But I do it not only with gusto but with equal heart. 

I do most things better than most but always wanted one thing to be exceptional at. Maybe that thing is not my drive, determination or any single trait that got me here, whether that be good or bad, but the whole of it; and that is not strength, it's humanity. It's not OK, but it will be and more, it will be great. I have weaknesses and strengths in equal measure but they are entwined and equally part of me. Humanity? My humanity; Not to be overwhelmed by the now but to belief in better. To show more of your faults than your virtues. And what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful. I lost alot along the way, rather not have felt all that I felt and still feel, wonder if there is a soul out there that rejoices in the depth of mine, worry I might not always be able to find my superwoman, but then I remember Superman was also just Clark Kent, as big and as shy a geek with his own issues as me and then I smile my true smile.

Lisa, just human..

P.S. the picture is from eons ago when I was in the great cheese state of Wisconsin for work. I have never seen so much snow and I loved it, treacherous and annoying as it was. But that too melted and was followed by a sunny beautiful spring. It was also the first time as an adult that I had to make a go of it. So in that way a fitting picture.

Snazzy sporty sweats

How the mighty have fallen..Okay, maybe not the mighty but I have never been a sportswear about town kind of girl and so have always had a certain disdain for sweats. I just never got the point..too heavy to work out in and too fugly to be seen in. But I now get the first bit. Getting to and from the track warmly is now something I can appreciate. Those few minutes on the bike, brr, brr and brr some more. By the time I hit the track I'm all bah humbug, where are the warm showers? 

The second also, though still more of a dress than a trouser kind of girl. Luckily this Adidas Originals X Rita Ora collection in speckled print also has a dress! And a pair of pants, yes of the sweats variety. And a bomber jacket. And everything else from beanies to trainers. The jacket and pants to get me to the workout and dress just to rock, with a pair of pony Stan Smiths please! Check it here and here. And the Stan Smiths here.

Hop, toot & scotch

I am really not a playground kind of mom, they aren’t very many where I live and it’s been cold of late. But I do want my kids to play, be imaginative and move there cute little kids limbs (just not in the direction of my face, which is generally the risk and fact with indoor playtime). So if we are not going out, we need to bring the play indoors. We have plenty of space in the downstairs hall, so why not utilise that for playtime? 

I originally thought of using a girlie pink confetti patterned washi tape but I not only have a pink loving girl but also an automobile crazy boy who is too young for hopscotch, once again risking a face knock or gut prodding. The ‘my first autobahn’ tape from Donkey products was my choice till I saw they have a train version as well. It is a bit more graphic, which I prefer but mostly because trains rule for being bigger, faster and plain old cooler!

Combined together I have something for both; a play activity for my daughter (and me) and a train track for my son! The only downside, you can't train and jump at the same time. May the best kid win..while I stand back away from flailing kids limbs.

P.S. this is the first half of an update of the hall with more fun & functionality! Any ideas as to what's planned for the second? I'l give you a hint: take a load off..

Schedule

Yep, time for a quickie.. of the schedule sort. And I do mean quickie as I am keeping it a bit shorter this week;

• Another kids project, because winter is coming and I’m not for freezing grapes into (miniature) raisins.
• My fashion obsession meets my sport obsession yet again, but with a pop twist.
• And for heading into net weekend, which is at home time, a bit of outdoor inspiration, with a touch of winter warmth.

Superheroes

This print is now hanging on my wall and I love it. I live it. Mika is two, has a wardrobe based around superheroes, down to his pj's. He can not decide whether it's Superman or Batman. I am going to go with Robin for the minute, because he says to me 'ik ben nog klein, ik ben nog baby, mama optillen''. Cheeky little devil, my Batman in training.

The superwoman that is me. I was just head bopping around my living room listening to music because that soothes me, movement and dance. The song 'superheroes' came on which I usually would click away for more swagger. But today I listened..."If you've been fighting for all your life, that's how superheroes learn to fly". I am among other components part Disney princess but more so a Superman fan (esp. the old 70's and 80's ones with Christopher Reeve).

The superhero to this day falls deeply just before the final fight that wins the battle.We can all get that right, I do. Every one has a fight at some time, some may seem smaller and some tougher, but to that person it's their fight. My fight is soul. Soul embodies family and confidence, all the things that deal with heart. Heart is above all what I strive for, all my life. In the simplest family meal, tiniest kiddy surprise, shortest run, the most insignificant of blogposts, in simply walking chin up. When a superhero falls, he gets back up, tough as that might be. Seriously with broken and bloody bits and me thinking that's not going to happen, it wouldn't be me, stay down. Guess what, I fall, hard, broken and bloody and then I get back up. Painfully and slowly sometimes but I get up, weakened maybe but yet still stronger. Like I said, mind over body; focus. Wax on, wax off, little grasshopper. I have confidence, I have strength, I have heart. Baby, I got soul. My own, not based or strutted against anyone else, not seen through the eyes of others who might see but not value. To get back up, for me, for my Batman, for my Supergirl, for that girl, gives me wings and the strength of ten. Superhero attributes that make me more than supergirl, or even supermom, it makes me my Superwoman.

To all my Batmen and Superwomen!

3C Crunch

I am not a breakfast person. The only exception is cereal. Yummy, sweet, crunchy, milk-drowned breakfast goodness. I periodically order American cereals, the sugary ones denied to me in my childhood in favour of cornflakes. Seriously if I ever have another bowl of plain flakes it will be too soon. But alas those babies are wallet busting expensive in the Netherlands. 

Plus they don't have my other favourite type of cereal; crunchy, mega cluster granola. And yet another food that makes my day is dried cherries. I first purchased a bag at Cold Storage in Singapore and have been hooked since. But it is yet another thing I can’t find easily where I live. Dried raisins, prunes, dates yes, cherries alas no. You have no idea how tough I have it some days having not (so-ordinary) Dutchie food tastes. And so I make my own cereal now and then. Why not add in my favourite sweet sauce? And I figured heck, why not try making my own dried cherries as well? Here are the results.

The three C’s, after crunchy, of my breakfast cereal of choice; tart and dark cherries, chocolate and above all caramel.. salted caramel to be exact. I love salted caramel and have a batch in my fridge at all times because when you need a fix, you need a fix quick. This cereal is so good my week batch’s lasted three days the first time and a mere two the second time aroud. The kids can not get enough. Zoe Isobel who is not a fruit eater is gaga for the cherries, Mika asks for a cluster about every five minutes and all three of us sit there crunching away and then slurping the chocolate milk at the end. Chocolate milk? Yep, before baking I tossed the oats, nuts and cherries with a mix of heated caramel, coconut oil, a bit of deep rich maple syrup and then threw in the chocolate. Result; each caramel cluster has an invisible layer of chocolate you don’t see till it hits the milk, especially still warm from the oven..

This is my most favourite cereal! Breakfast, lunch and snack worthy and a quick bowl before and after dinner. With our without the milk it’s the shizzle!

Plankgas

I already stated my love of lamps, check here and here. 

Well here’s another and similar to the first but the devil is the detailing. A wooden beam lamp, that is not rustic, nor industrial edgy? In this case refined, simplistic and smooth. Tell me, is this a lamp worth coveting or is this lamp worth coveting? Check out the series at Northern Lighting.

Insta(nt) fashionloves

I haven’t Instagrammed in eons because it’s so good, it’s addictive. So addictive in fact, my list of cool brands and stellar shops grew exponentially. And for that reason, plus my need for control, the app stays closed..But here are a few of the keepers that I'm glad made it before lock down commenced..

Grey cigarette pants, cape and subtract sweater from House of Sunny. Cross over pants from Third Form. Jewelry from House of Bourgeois. Grey spotted dress from This is Lily.

Wee art gallery

Art makes your home your own and I share my home with a two and a four year old. That means almost every day I’m handed a new piece of art. Whether it be one squiggle, a Picasso inspired piece or often something I just can’t place no matter how much I squint. I select the best and keep those in a special art folder. A regularly rotating collection was kept on the vertical heater in the previous kitchen, there is a bursting cupboard of treasures in the living room and forgive me but parents know the drill some just don’t get kept.. but I promise this pile is small.

But in this home I figured since the kids basically run the entire middle floor why not start displaying their art where they can see and why not let them choose it? Especially as they are getting better and better. This is their gallery, for the wee ones by the wee ones (with a little hanging help).

A mixed collection of inexpensive standard frames, all white because I still live here too. A few miniature shelves for special toys. And a flower piece by mom, who was going for a confetti waterfall only to remember confetti is in the crafting boxes at dad's. The nesting dolls are our family and the bear her first nightlight. Add a couple of purchased pieces, see a pre-selection here. 

Voila, 2 ½ vertical metres of kid-made and kid-inspired art space, with a minimal mom aesthetic thrown in.The garbage truck Zoe Isobel drew and zigzagged cut for Mika, the hearts are from just before she got those perfected (seriously better than mine now), the green and pink fishes are they respective favourite colours and the butterflies, what can I say besides I have a thing for butterflies.

They get to change it up when they have a new piece they are super proud of. I’m all for creativity and change. Keep it fresh, keep it young, keep it fun!