Balancing act

It’s weekend and weekend posts are the thoughtful ones. The ones not about the design in my life, but the design of it. Right now I must confess to being a bit tired (actually a lot tired) due to not so much sleep deprivation but rest deprivation. Sleep is not the same as rest. I try and get some early nights in to offset the five or six hours of rather broken sleep that is my standard. Pushing forward requires balance else you just end up burning your gears. This week it dawned on me that that’s OK if not a downright necessity. I realised this as I start stressing over a five minute delay during the hour and half I have when Mika’s takes his midday nap, when I was cursing violently under my breath during yoga, when I have to pencil in reading a magazine two weeks in advance and when on the umpteenth evening I zapped off the telly because there was still so much to get done.

 Responsibilities; that’s just part of being an adult and definitely part of letting your kids have their childhood. So after my four twelve hour workdays and the hours spanning and including these that my kids need, there is not much left. I work-out five days a week and the larger chores I try and bundle on one day and divide the little ones over the evenings, leaving one day that goes to blogging. As I was vacuuming at ten pm Tuesday night in the hopes I might finish Wednesday cleaning in time to watch some telly (fail), I  got to wondering what I could drop. This thought came back with a vengeance as I was whipping up a batch of pancakes Monday night after the kids bedtime for Tuesday’s fun dinner and simultaneously realising a work event on Thursday would completely throw off my entire week’s schedule. 

 I could drop the exercise but it gives me energy and I feel accomplished and healthy. I could stop blogging but it’s my inspiration. I could let my space get a bit sloppy but I’m a neat freak and über particular about my space. I could spend less time on dinner because my kids don’t esp. appreciate the effort that goes into making polenta French-fries or mascarpone waffles with salted caramel sauce, OK the last one they lick the plate for, but I love trying to get them to love food. I could do less baking and buy more store-bought but I like knowing what goes into my kids and myself, including the snacks and it is just so much tastier. So yes I will be turning out a batch of granola, cookie and pizza dough today.

So in the end what bites the dust is rest, relaxation and fun. Feeling accomplished is great but feeling accomplished and rested is even better. A balance between the musts, the shoulds, the coulds, the wants and the just is’s. I have been so focused on the must and then the could and then the want to off-put the first two. Taking the time to breathe, not only is good in itself but will probably allow me to do the others better or at less easier. So tonight I am going to do something I used to do often, talk about every Friday at work and never do.., make a batch of of popcorn, tuck in on the couch with a soft blanket and watch telly. And I will be taking a day or two off work soon to do..absolutely nothing. No chores, no schedule, not even getting some blogging in, just resting and taking the time to relax and find the fun. To watch a movie, to go to a concert, to read a book, to sleep deeply. To balance life with living it and enjoying doing so.