The F's

Thanksgiving was a little over a week ago and is a holiday I have only celebrated once. Of course in the US with turkey, mashed potatoes and cranberries. But that's not what I remember best. What stuck with me was how desperate and upset colleagues were when flights got cancelled due to snow and they might not be able to get home to their families. The warmth of colleagues to make it a good day for us foreigners despite longing to be with their own family. How grateful everyone seemed, how warmth it felt despite the icy temperatures. It's still what I think when I see all the posts about how to..prep a turkey, bake the bird, make the pumpkin pie and decorate the table. So it got me thinking what am I thankful for? 

Okay, some of my favourite F-words are not in here..like food and fashion (hey, get your mind out of the bowl). But seriously these are what matter to me, what I am thankful for and what I strive for. No doubt, it has been a tough year but that those not mean it was not worthwhile.

The fun has been a bit low (actually near non-eistent) but I'm starting to build that in and I do enjoy the fun times I have, no matter how small. Simple joys like going to the Uni campus on a Starbucks run or tex-mexing with the Friday crew. Or just making a batch of popcorn and watching Indiana Jones for the umpteenth time on Friday night. 

Family is core. I think most would agree but if you have ever had to do without, didn't grow from a nest to give you wings and roots then you know. My social butterfly and spicy tamale are the apples of my eye and have a different nest that I had pictured but still a warm, happy and large one and that was my greatest wish for them since before there was a single cell. My big sis who was my rock when I was little and again now, because I was such an awkward outcast and still a late learner. But what I learnt now was not to be so strict. Your family is ever growing and changing. The work-family that helped me when I was in the US, the Friday crew that make me smile and laugh when I forget how. The trainer who lends supports to the steps but also the person stepping. The yogi who never mentions my silent sobs in the meditation but just rests reassuring hands on my shoulders till my sobs become peaceful breaths. Those who offer me ticket home for the holidays, let me do the horribly ugly cry, give me a shoulder to rest on, offer to take me bowling (which I suck majorly at) or simply said they were thinking of me. Not necessarily my family, but those who show what family, what being a friend, what being a person is about. Family implies a certain selflessness, a level of affection and humanity that we sadly don't show enough in this world. When you are less concerned with being considered a good person and more with being one, esp. when hard, uncomfortable, inappropriate they give. Those rushing home for Thanksgiving were not doing so for eating the turkey but because family are the ones who make it worth the trip, whether there is a turkey or gift. Those are the ones that give you roots and wings, no matter if you're old as...

I longed to be free. I remember when I was maybe three of four and had to go back to the baby bed for visiting family, oh how trapped I felt. Even when I was little, no matter how shy and quiet, I had my inner drummer and wanted to go by that beat. I couldn't at the time and for many years after. After college, in work and life I still struggled to play my beat out loud. Everyone has expectations and ideas and I tried to follow what I thought those were above my own. I now follow me, my soul, my beat. My beat is me, sometimes soft, sometimes crazy energetic, sometimes downright wild, sometimes hurt, sometimes pensive but never hidden. That is my freedom; to be myself, to let it beat & to follow that beat..my inner rhythm and boy can I shake my tailfeathers on my beat!

Do what makes you happy? I do what fulfils me. I am busy, making the fun less than desired but I am mostly busy with the things that give me fulfilment. I love baking with the kids, working on this blog, making my home sing and especially whipping my body into a sweaty athletic lather. It's more than happy, it is fulfilment that makes me do it all again the next week. What else keeps you going when there is a cost? If you had to work for fun, they how often would you choose it? What keeps me choosing the things I choose, makes me set my alarm for 6am on weekends, start each day with push-ups and end them with planks is fulfilment; satisfaction and appreciation. I feel fulfilled and that is an amazing feeling.