Roleplay

Luckily, unlike the picture, the dishwasher does double duty around here. But washing up is one of the the tasks that is part of my role. My role?

If you asked me a year ago, I definitely would have answered that 50/50 is the way to go. Yet today, cooking, cleaning, laundry and most other household duties fall firmly in my lap. I do this next to my fulltime job and being mom to a four and five year old that spend half the week with me.

I used to joke that pregnant, barefoot and in the kitchen is my happy and at the same time heavily apologising for being so old-fashioned and non-feministic. Guess what, it is! No worries, right now I have my hands full with two, but being at home and taking care of my home is my happy. The difference is that I no longer feel the need to apologise. My partner has never touched the washer, iron or duster and has cooked a record two times but I never carry a bag or box, get driven around like miss daisy, have doors opened for me and yes I'm spoilt right along with the kids. When the door opens at six pm, we often rush forward as a threesome to be tickled, hugged and kissed.

I do what I enjoy and I enjoy cooking. When I'm in the kitchen on weekends and I turn around and all three are playing or the kids are playing and my partner is fixing something (yep, that's your role baby) I'm happy as a clam. And while my alarm goes off at six a couple times a week, for him it goes off at five, five times a week. After twelve hour workdays, of which four hours of travel, I want my partner back and so I do try and have dinner on the table, do the clearing up and get the kids ready for bed. Nothing is cast in stone and he helps whenever and wherever he can, often quicker on the weekend with getting the kids dressed and fed or getting the forgotten groceries after dinner and when I'm sick I don't have a worry. However 50/50 it is not because that is not our goal.

The goal is happy, a home filled with joy. It is! Do I wish the laundry basket wouldn't replicate so quickly? Yep. Do I feel stressed trying to figure out a meal plan for the week? Hell yea. But it doesn't rival the happiness of a hug and thank you while I'm cooking, evenings spent together, my nightly foamy latte brought to me on the couch, or the fact that the most asked question is "What can I do?".

Breadwinner, housewife, head of the home, caretaker. Traditional, eligatarian. There are tons of studies on the effects of different relationships models and roles but for me it's about personalisation. What works for us, right now. Because in the end it's willingness and heart that make it work.